Are you standing in your own way?

I remember walking into a class one day and the professor; a rather unorthodox man started asking students what their expectations were on the course. One student replied, “My expectation is to learn how to conduct proper research and be a good scientist.” This sounded like noble expectation to me. To which the professor asked, “what if your expectation is not met?” The student continued, “I would be very, very disappointed.” The professor paused and said, “Just drop it. Drop that expectation then. You could be preoccupied with your own predefined expectations and then miss out on what’s really happening here.” The caveat from the professor was not to stand in the way of our own learning.

In this article, I want to zero in on the concept of “command and control” that Paul Scheele, the author of “natural brilliance” talks about. 

As human beings, we have grown up with a certain mental disposition of command and control. Using this phenomenon, we usually predict what should happen in our lives and then subsequently try and force circumstances to follow our predictions. In other words, we command what should happen and how it should happen, and then we try and control circumstances in life to make sure it happens that way. You may have come to a realisation already that seldom life happens that way; that life has its own mind and it usually takes its own course. 

Imagine you were to ride a bicycle down an unfamiliar hill. Beforehand, we have a meeting and try to predict everything that will happen; what you will do first and then your next move. Then you must follow that plan. As you start riding down, you will invariably realise that the prediction is not emerging as initially set out. On your way down, you might encounter a curve which wasn’t discussed in the meeting, and then you will have to respond dynamically to this new information and situation else you might end up crashing badly. Instead of leveraging on the emergent new information and situation, you are out there blocking your own way with predetermined notions of how life is supposed to unfold and trying hard control and channel situations, alas. 

We usually use this command and control strategy in our relationships, careers, jobs and so on.  To which we discover the hard way that life’s situations are often indeterminate. The pervasive nature of life, of dynamism, usually throws us into a state of hysteria because of this propensity. Our adaptive capabilities are crippled, rendering us paralysed by constant change of life and hence marginalises our ability to respond and live effectively. William Styron describes this struggle as a sense "of being accompanied by a second self - a wrathlike observer who, not sharing the dementia of his double is able to watch with dispassionate curiosity as his companion struggles.” 

How do we deal with the emergent nature of life? We have to develop a “sense and respond” capability. The authors of “The power of small wins” put it this way, “in the face of an unknown future, brave people act. They deal with uncertainty not by trying to analyse it, or planning for every contingency, or predicting what the outcomes will be. Instead, they act, learn from what they find, and act again.”

A good example of “sense and respond” ability is typified in sports such as surfing. A good surfer is the one who can leverage on the chaotic nature of a wave, turning that potential energy into kinetic energy to move him to where he wants to be. He doesn’t try to predict the wave and he doesn’t try to control it. He has developed the skills of sensing and responding to the wave.

Are you standing in your own way, in business or in your career or in your relationships or in your studies? Do you seem not to achieve the results you want or the performance you desire and consequently putting a lot cognitive pressure on yourself? You can get out of your own way, by being fully present in that which you are trying to achieve, being aware of the new information that is unfolding, and using that information to embody the next move that needs to be taken and then enjoy the ride.