Are you standing in your own way?

I remember walking into a class one day and the professor; a rather unorthodox man started asking students what their expectations were on the course. One student replied, “My expectation is to learn how to conduct proper research and be a good scientist.” This sounded like noble expectation to me. To which the professor asked, “what if your expectation is not met?” The student continued, “I would be very, very disappointed.” The professor paused and said, “Just drop it. Drop that expectation then. You could be preoccupied with your own predefined expectations and then miss out on what’s really happening here.” The caveat from the professor was not to stand in the way of our own learning.

In this article, I want to zero in on the concept of “command and control” that Paul Scheele, the author of “natural brilliance” talks about. 

As human beings, we have grown up with a certain mental disposition of command and control. Using this phenomenon, we usually predict what should happen in our lives and then subsequently try and force circumstances to follow our predictions. In other words, we command what should happen and how it should happen, and then we try and control circumstances in life to make sure it happens that way. You may have come to a realisation already that seldom life happens that way; that life has its own mind and it usually takes its own course. 

Imagine you were to ride a bicycle down an unfamiliar hill. Beforehand, we have a meeting and try to predict everything that will happen; what you will do first and then your next move. Then you must follow that plan. As you start riding down, you will invariably realise that the prediction is not emerging as initially set out. On your way down, you might encounter a curve which wasn’t discussed in the meeting, and then you will have to respond dynamically to this new information and situation else you might end up crashing badly. Instead of leveraging on the emergent new information and situation, you are out there blocking your own way with predetermined notions of how life is supposed to unfold and trying hard control and channel situations, alas. 

We usually use this command and control strategy in our relationships, careers, jobs and so on.  To which we discover the hard way that life’s situations are often indeterminate. The pervasive nature of life, of dynamism, usually throws us into a state of hysteria because of this propensity. Our adaptive capabilities are crippled, rendering us paralysed by constant change of life and hence marginalises our ability to respond and live effectively. William Styron describes this struggle as a sense "of being accompanied by a second self - a wrathlike observer who, not sharing the dementia of his double is able to watch with dispassionate curiosity as his companion struggles.” 

How do we deal with the emergent nature of life? We have to develop a “sense and respond” capability. The authors of “The power of small wins” put it this way, “in the face of an unknown future, brave people act. They deal with uncertainty not by trying to analyse it, or planning for every contingency, or predicting what the outcomes will be. Instead, they act, learn from what they find, and act again.”

A good example of “sense and respond” ability is typified in sports such as surfing. A good surfer is the one who can leverage on the chaotic nature of a wave, turning that potential energy into kinetic energy to move him to where he wants to be. He doesn’t try to predict the wave and he doesn’t try to control it. He has developed the skills of sensing and responding to the wave.

Are you standing in your own way, in business or in your career or in your relationships or in your studies? Do you seem not to achieve the results you want or the performance you desire and consequently putting a lot cognitive pressure on yourself? You can get out of your own way, by being fully present in that which you are trying to achieve, being aware of the new information that is unfolding, and using that information to embody the next move that needs to be taken and then enjoy the ride.

Action: The missing link after decision

John Maxwell tells a story of when he was young and his father’s favourite riddles went like this: Five frogs are sitting on a log; four decide to jump off into the water. How many frogs are left on the log? The kids would yell, “One”. “No”, the father would respond. ”Five. Why? Because there’s a difference between deciding and doing!”  

How many times have you ever felt a strong conviction to make a decision to do something? You went ahead and made the decision in your heart, and it felt good. Days, weeks, months and possibly years went by with no action at all. So many of us have resolved and decided to do certain things, but we have never went ahead to do them. Invariably, the decisions were made, but no action ensued. Making a decision about something doesn’t automatically translate into an action. The fact that you decided to stop smoking doesn’t necessarily mean you stopped. Unless a decision is accompanied by an action, it is rendered null and void.

Action, particularly consistent action regarding your decisions is a proof of your resolve.  The hardest step is usually the first step; hence the litmus test to the legitimacy of your decision is the existence of a corresponding action or lack thereof. Furthermore, the law of diminishing intent kicks in the longer you wait. This law says, the longer you wait to do something you should do now, the greater the odds of that you will never actually do it.

Frank Clark’s quote resonates here when he said, “What great accomplishments we’d have in the world if everybody had done what they intended to do”. Imagine where the world would be today if some of the prominent figures didn’t dare to take an action for follow their decisions and resolutions. What if Martin Luther King Jr didn’t take an action fighting for civil rights as he marched on Lincoln memorial shouting “I have a dream”? Imagine what could have happened if Nelson Mandela and many other anti-apartheid activists resolved in their hearts to stand against apartheid but never took a single action regarding their convictions? What if Steve Jobs never acted on his innovative inclinations? Imagine if the inventors of cars, aeroplanes, ships and everything that we use today allowed the fear of failure to paralyse them into inaction?

What are some of the causes of decisions without action? The most prevalent ones are: fear of failure, lack of motivation and paralysis of analysis. Robert Schuller once said “What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn’t fail?” Failure is part of learning and should be embraced. Don’t let fear of failure stop you from taking action. The second cause is lack of motivation. Often times we wait for inspiration to strike us before we can do something. Seldom does it happen that way. Motivation follows motion. John Maxwell warns us, “Motivation is not going to strike you like lightning. And motivation is not something that someone can bestow or force on you. The whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation, just do it".

Lastly, People usually over analyse plans in the beginning hoping to have a perfect and clear view of the road ahead. They hope to have all questions answered, all instructions given and all tools available in advance. When you drive at night especially on an unfamiliar road, your lights won’t reveal the entire route all the way to the destination at once. As you start driving, more road and direction is gradually revealed. When you started, it seemed like there was no road. The authors of “The power of small wins” put it this way, “in the face of an unknown future, brave people act. They deal with uncertainty not by trying to analyse it, or planning for every contingency, or predicting what the outcomes will be. Instead, they act, learn from what they find, and act again.”

No matter how small your plans and decisions are, take that first step and act on them. The future is unknown, who knows what that first step or subsequent steps will lead to? Much of the greatest advancements never resulted from the big bang approach. One idea, decision and action led to another and then another and then something big manifested. 

I leave you with this famous quote from Myles Munroe. “The wealthiest place on earth is not the diamond mines of South Africa, nor the oil fields of Kuwait. Nor is it in neither the banks of Switzerland or London nor the stock markets of New York City. The wealthiest place on earth is the graveyards and cemeteries. In the graveyards, lie the remains of people who died with books in their hearts that could have become best-sellers. They died with uncommon ideas in their hearts about finding the cures to cancer, aids, and other diseases that for ages have plagued mankind. In these graves are people who died with beautiful unsung songs and ballads that would’ve touched our hearts. They died with ideas about business that could have impacted the economy. They died with ideas about starting organizations or ministries that would have changed the world”
Don't make the graveyard wealthy!

Inconsistency: The devil inside

There is one enemy I can abashedly attribute to my lack of desired progress in reaching my goals.  This enemy is pervasive and continually attacks many individuals around the world. We have often attributed our lack of progress to external forces inter alia lack of resources, time and support. Seldom have we looked inward to find the problem. This devil inside is called inconsistency. Inconsistency is a subtle deterrent but its effects are impactful. It usually creeps in unnoticed or more sleekly justifiable. Inconsistency is a cousin to procrastination and can even masquerade as progress. Inconsistency is going to the gym four times in one week and taking a break for two months, and then resuming the vicious cycle again. Going to the gym for almost a week consistently is really progress, but the subsequent two months break makes an appalling average of twenty four days of exercising per year. Yes, twenty four days out of three hundred and sixty five days a year.  The total sum of the collective efforts is scant to even move a scale.

Once inconsistency pattern sets in, it’s difficult to break. Waffen Buffett once said “Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken”. Once you have developed some inconsistency syndrome in one area of your life, it ripples through other areas. 

The inconsistency syndrome has decidedly held hostage the progress and advancement of many individuals. According to Frank Clark, “What great accomplishments we’d have in the world if everybody had done what they intended to do”. How much weight would you have lost had you been consistent at going to the gym? How much knowledge would you have acquired if you have been consistent in reading all those books you bought which are now gathering dust on the bookshelf? How spiritually mature would you be today if your spiritual pursuit had been more consistent? Where would you be in your career had you been consistent in the efforts of improvement?

It is worth noting that inconsistency is costly. The consequences of inconsistency are not immediate, but just like a slow virus, the effects eventually surface. Jascha Heifetz, one of the greatest violinists of the twentieth century said “If I miss a day of practice, I can tell. If I miss two days of practice, my conductor can tell. If I miss three days of practice, the rest of the orchestra can tell. If I miss four days of practice, the audience can tell”. There is a consequence to your inconsistency. Take a moment to reflect on how inconsistency might have negatively affected your progress. 

What’s the root cause of inconsistency? Two things can be said to breed inconsistency: lack of discipline and lack of commitment. These are really by-products that ensue from not having a clear intention when a goal is established. The most important question is why you want to achieve your desired goal. Furthermore, what would be the consequence of not achieving your desired goal? These questions might appear to be trivial but if the “why” behind the pursuit of your goal is not strong enough, invariably lack of commitment and lack discipline will result. The former and the ladder are precursors to the inconsistent pursuit of that goal. It is difficult to stay committed and disciplined to something which is not very important to us. Having a strong “why” for our goals, will help us be consistent and keep going even when the road becomes tough.

There’s a story of a salesman who looked out the window of the hotel restaurant at the blinding snowstorm. He asked his waiter, “Do you think the roads will be clear enough in the morning to travel and do business?” The waiter replied, “Depends on if you’re on salary or commission.”

How important is losing weight to you? How important is finishing the book you started years ago, or starting that company that you always wanted to start, or improving your career or finishing your studies or even learning how to play the piano. How important is reaching that goal to you?

You are “consistency” away from reaching your desired goals. Consistency is an impetus to hope; Hope, like a path in the countryside: originally there was no path yet, as people are walking all the time in the same spot, a way appears. As you consistently follow through the plan towards your desired goals, you will achieve them. My wish is that you become more consistent in pursuing your goal this year. Happy and fruitful New Year. Namaste!

Running your life like a business

Every New Year’s Day we wake up with exuberant vivacity at the prospect of an exhilarating year ahead. This dawn of the New Year often comes with those resolutions, plans and goals to put into force. It is increasingly becoming more apparent each year that more people have become weary of New Year’s resolutions and plans as a possible aid to conduct. Consequently, very few people actually sit down quietly to craft them. Although this exercise is better than nothing, it is often rendered ineffective as it does not consider the individual's big picture. If your goals and plans do not align with your strategic objectives, then chances of consistently pursuing them will be minimal, let alone enduring amid obstacles.

 Every year, senior executives of many companies spend hours in strategic planning sessions. These intense, high profile, C-suite chaired meetings are usually signature events of a company. It is a sign of status to be present in these meetings, as this is indubitably where the overall company's strategy is hammered out. The chief purpose of these meetings is to re-evaluate the strategic objectives of a company, report on what was achieved, evaluate current projects and how they align to the strategic objectives, identify the gaps and re-evaluate the strategic roadmap. The success or failure of a company can often be traced back to the decisions that ensued from these meetings.

How many people have their own personal strategic planning sessions every year? Do we ever take time to re-evaluate our own strategic objectives, report to ourselves on what we have achieved, evaluate our current plans and how they align to our strategic objectives, identify gaps and institute new plans and re-evaluate our strategic roadmap? The more coherent we become in our lives, the higher chances of succeeding in what we wish to become, else the achievement of our goals is aleatory. Too often incoherence continues to plague many individuals, with dangling and temperamental plans that are incongruent with their big picture. Successful companies invariably have two important elements: Vision and Strategy. Every strategic meeting has to deal with these key organisational elements. This is a reminiscence of one of Steve Jobs’ famous quotes “If today were your last day, would you do what you are about to do?” This question is less about action than about value. In other words, is your plan aligned to your vision and adding value to the execution of your strategy. If this year was your last year, would you be pursuing the plans and goals (if any) that you are currently pursuing? 

Richard Boyatzis in his book "Resonant Leadership" proposes what he dubs, "Intentional change model". This model gives a direction of how to follow through your plans and goals with effectiveness and efficiency.  The model rests upon five key concepts: Ideal self, real self, gaps and plan, experimentation and finally support. The first step is to identify your ideal self, or what can be described as living in your perfect future. This is invariably your vision. Your vision articulates your full self-expression, consequently, it eliminates any temporal states that you may be tempted to want to be. Vision speaks about the end state, the person you aspire to have been at end of your life. 

This first step is the hardest, as it requires true and honest evaluation of desires. 

The second step of the model is to identify your real self. This is really your current state. It goes without saying that, this also requires an honest evaluation of yourself, your present true state. 

Thirdly, identify the gaps between your ideal self and your real self. This involves identifying your strengths, which denotes the similarity between your ideal self and your real self. Furthermore, identify the gaps. Gaps signify the difference between your ideal self and your real self. These differences are important and they bring light to things which you need to focus on in order to perfect them. A creation of a plan to address these gaps is vital. 

The fourth step in the model is experimentation. This means practicing and adjusting your behaviour to align it with your ideal self. Lastly, support. Support means finding a person or a group that can be supportive to your learning and journey.